My Hollow Head

A view of the world from my perspective.

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Believe it or not, I do honestly try to always find the bright side in every situation. I live by the phrase, “everything happens for a reason.” Whether it does or does not is something none of us will ever know with any certainty and personally, for me, those words give me comfort, provide reason for the illogical and hope that something greater and smarter than me has an end game prepared that is in some way meaningful – even if not directly meaningful to or for me.

Don’t mistake what I just wrote as a confession to martyrdom. I didn’t suffer through some fiendish childhood trauma or lack a specific level of love or appreciation by a parent that now triggers an emotional need to throw myself on every sword in order for someone else to be happy while I wallow in the pain, inconvenience and loneliness originally meant for them. Screw that. I’ll never understand why anyone chooses to allow themselves to become a human toilet. We don’t “thank” our toilets for flushing our crap out to sea so why would we thank the human toilet/martyr in our life for choosing to carry our crap? Of course we’re thankful that we didn’t have to do whatever it was we didn’t want to do, but can you truly respect someone (even someone you love) if they always create that situation where they will accept all your crap because in return they just want your love and/or approval? Anyway, I digress.

Back to my philosophical view of life…life is like going to the movies. When I get to the ticket window there are multiple movies I want to see playing at the same time. “Free will” allows me the ability to choose which movie ticket I purchase. Free will allows me to decide which theater I enter once inside – I could see the movie for which I hold a ticket or I could change my mind and sneak into the movie across the hall. For either choice I make there already exists a predetermined outcome. Sometimes those outcomes are amazing and sometimes those outcomes are disabling, but either way I learned something I had to learn in order to be a better person.

Why am I sharing any of this with you? Because sometimes when we’re living in the moment of an outcome that hasn’t gone as planned and the words “WHY ME?” are curdling in our throats you have to take a step back and remember that at this particular moment you just happened to pick the wrong movie to see. But more importantly, try to figure out what you learned from the wretched movie you just watched. Maybe this moment in your life wasn’t about you (I know, it is hard to believe that everything in our lives isn’t ALL about ourselves). Maybe your bad decision made a life changing, positive impact on someone else? Because of that possibility, I can pick myself up, brush myself off and start all over again…only this time a little wiser and more likely to read more reviews before going to my next movie.

For me, the last couple of weeks have been a bad movie marathon. Then I saw a post on Facebook made by Lady Gaga (don’t judge…she’s a total train wreck that I’m compelled to watch). She said, “money can run out, but talent is forever.” And, regardless of whatever Lady Gaga is experiencing in her life that enticed her to place those words out into the universe via Facebook they were just what I needed to see to snap me back into my own reality. Although the translation isn’t a literal one for me her words helped to wash off the negativity I was feeling and reminded me that there are things no one can take away from me. I now feel stronger, ready to go back out into the lion’s den of life with a new perspective and the right tools to make it work.

You may believe in coincidence. Personally, I don’t. I think life throws me things I need when I need them. Basically, I have to see a lot of bad movies in order to appreciate the good ones. And, even when it doesn’t seem like there’s anything out there worth seeing, you can happen upon a sleeper that changes your whole life.

What’s the lesson to learn from this? Regardless of your spiritual/religious belief think of all the weird “coincidences” that have occurred in your life and consider the possibility that maybe all of it was supposed to happen just the way it has and whether or not your ending is happy is all dependent upon you.

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